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Review
by
Brian Lindsey
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6
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5 |
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10
= Highest Rating |
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"They
transplanted a white bigot's head onto a soul brother's body!"
I saw this in the theater in 1972, when I
was 10 years old. It's amusing to recall that, at the time,
I actually took it seriously! (I was just a kid, okay?) Over
30 years later The Thing with Two Heads
is still a fun little flick — a
goofy B-movie concoction that somehow manages to mix horror,
sci-fi, and blaxploitation themes with a Dukes of Hazzard-style
demolition derby. Such diverse elements result in a rather schizophrenic
film, as if it doesn't seem quite sure about what kind of movie
it wants to be. One thing's for certain though: it's incredibly,
joyously silly.
Ray Milland (Panic
in Year Zero!, Frogs)
is Dr. Max Kirshner, brilliant transplant surgeon and director
of a prestigious research hospital. An unapologetic racist,
Kirshner tries to deny a promising black physician, Dr. Fred
Williams (Land of the Giants' Don Marshall), a position
he'd offered him on his staff before learning his ethnic background.
Kirshner is also dying of inoperable cancer. In order for his
genius to continue, Kirshner has secretly perfected a technique
for transplanting human heads. The procedure calls for an initial
adjustment phase in which both heads coexist on the same body
for up to a month. His experiment with a gorilla (played by
makeup wizard Rick Baker in a pretty decent two-headed ape suit)
has proven 100% successful. With his demise imminent, Kirshner
plans to transplant his own head onto the body of a willing
human donor — even though this
ultimately means death for the Good Samaritan. But where to
find such a sacrificial lamb? Kirshner's trusted assistant,
Dr. Desmond (Roger Perry of Count
Yorga, Vampire) turns to the prison system to locate a donor.
An offer of 30 extra days of life is made to the prisoners on
Death Row should one of them choose to donate his body to science.
African-American Jack Moss (NFL star Rosey Grier) is scheduled
to be executed for a murder he didn't commit. While being strapped
into the electric chair he decides to take the offer, hoping
the postponement of his death will buy enough time for his girlfriend
to prove his innocence.
Dr. Desmond performs the first stage operation
in the basement laboratory at Kirshner's mansion. Needless to
say, the old man isn't too pleased to discover his noggin's
been attached to one of "those people." Jack isn't
too happy, either, when he finds out what's been done with him
and the ultimate fate of his own head. With the help of the
disgruntled Dr. Williams the two-headed convict escapes from
Kirshner's estate, a posse of cops hot on their heels and Max's
honky head bitching and moaning the whole time. Jack's only
hope is to get to his girlfriend's place and hide from the authorities
while Williams figures out a way to safely unattach the unwanted
'guest.' Meanwhile
Kirshner's head slowly begins gaining mental control over Jack's
body...
Whether it's the sight
of Grier or Milland with a fake head of the other actor strapped
to his neck, or the two men squished together in a special costume
(which had to monumentally uncomfortable), The
Thing with Two Heads is a veritable laugh riot once the
operation is done. It's routine B-picture fare until then but
well worth the wait. The situations and dialog are so absurd
—
all played totally straight —
that I simply have to believe this was done intentionally,
putting the film squarely in the realm of camp. Milland is especially
fun to watch, playing his patented late career 'crotchety mean
old man' shtick to the hilt. (And to think he was the 1945 Best
Actor Oscar winner for his performance in Lost
Weekend... Here, he's strapped cheek-to-cheek with a
hulking 350-pound black guy, grumbling lines like, "What's
for dessert? Watermelon?") Grier isn't much of an actor
but you can't help but root for him; I suspect he was hired
mainly because his huge frame could conceal Milland while trussed
up behind him. (Where the flick could've really gone for the
gusto would've been casting "Dolemite"
himself, Rudy Ray Moore, in the part. I can only imagine the
comebacks!) Then there's the prolonged chase sequence, involving
the demolition of 14 police cars (though some are the same wrecks
shot from different angles). While escaping Jack and Williams
blunder onto a motocross course, stealing a cycle from a startled
rider and leading the cops on a merry dance. Set to funky "wocka-chika-wocka-chika"
riffs, the sequence lasts for nearly 10 minutes, with a fleet
of patrol cars basically doing donuts in a field as they chase
the stuntmen on the bike, one of which has the bobbing fake
Milland head buckled to his shoulder. It's mindless filler of
the most blatant kind, the part of the film that deliberately
—
and unsuccessfully —
goes for out-an-out humor with its Keystone Cops antics. Still,
the scenario's so gonzo one can't help but be agog. I mean,
where else will you ever see anything even remotely
like this?
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MGM's Midnite Movie line includes discs with bonus features,
even audio commentaries. Thing isn't
one of them. Only the amusing theatrical trailer is provided.
It's a missed opportunity, I feel, because I'd really love to
hear some of the behind-the-scenes stories concerning this flick.
(Milland passed away in 1986 but Grier, Marshall, Perry and director
Lee Frost [The Defilers, The
Black Gestapo] are still around.) Even as a bare bones DVD,
however, this is a great buy for cheese addicts. For a 30-year
old low budget exploitation pic the disc's audio-visual quality
is exemplary. The (1.85:1) widescreen print used for the transfer
looks terrific; the digital mono audio track is particularly good
—
very crisp and clear. The keepcase cover art is wonderfully lurid.
2/01/03 |
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